Keeping the Spark: Just Ask

This is a series on marriage and working to keep genuine love and adoration amidst the challenges of every day life.

I finally felt brave enough to launch this conversation on marriage after a fantastic conversation at the Alt conference in January. During the amazing Clue party on Thursday night, I started chatting with Natalie from The Field Trip Company because we were one of the firsts to arrive. As the party got going, we decided to sample the delicious food spread and find a seat. We settled in the ‘Kitchen’ (you know, from the Clue board) and after a few conversations, a couple sat down next to us. The conversation began after Vitaliy and Candace, the husband and wife photography team from Pictilio, passed over their business card. I couldn’t help but comment on the date night idea on the back side. Vitaliy, Candace, Natalie and I started talking about the challenges of staying in love and connected through careers, children and the busyness of life. It is a conversation I wish could have continued for much longer. It was so enjoyable!

Vitaliy and Candace from Pictilio, Natalie of The Field Trip Company and me at the Clue Party

During our discussion, I remember saying I struggled with knowing what would make MJ feel loved. I know what makes me feel happy and loved but I know those things don’t transfer person to person. After I shared my struggle, Candace asked ‘Why don’t you ask him?’

Pretty simple, huh? It’s something I’ve wondered about but between everything that goes on in our house, I just hadn’t taken the time to ask him. I felt kind of sheepish. Having a good relationship is important to me yet I had overlooked such a simple resolution.

When the party ended and MJ came to walk me back to our hotel, I told him about the conversation. After relaying it, I asked him if he would write a list of 10 things I could do that would make him feel loved, cared for and happy and I would do the same for him. By the end of our trip, on hotel stationary, we each had our list.

Now we are able to pull from the lists knowing our actions will remind the other of our love and affection, without having to ask. Our Alt party think tank agreed that unexpected gestures of love are the best. :)

The lesson here is: just ask. You won’t know until you do.

So tell me:

Do you know what makes your significant other feel loved? What do you do for them? What do they do for you?

Maybe you are on top of it and know what makes your significant other feel loved. Is it a question you keep revisiting after a certain period of time? Just to check in?

Thanks for sharing! And thank you for your responses last week when I introduced this series. I loved hearing your ideas and thoughts and I’m excited for future connectedness!

Take care.

P.S. There is a washi tape sale going on over on Pick Your Plum! Only $1.50!! And since everyone loves a good deal just about as much as they love washi tape, go check it out! The button is in the sidebar!

P.P.S. Today is Wednesday so another post is going up later!